Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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