You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
