He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
