You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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