You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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