I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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