my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We left the knife in your bed.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
