just tell him i said nine months
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
