Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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