tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
