I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's never too late to be topless.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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