Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
