she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He kissed a someone with a penis
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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