remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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