I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
