sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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