Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
