She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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