im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
