He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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