I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
