I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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