Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
