i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
