Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
