my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
