she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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