Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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