he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
