So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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