idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
