you guys were way drunker than both of me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
