so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
