You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
