Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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