The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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