Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Life is so much better after having sex.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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