Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
