You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
