i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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