when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
