also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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