Kiss
Puke
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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