dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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