it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
