wat bout pragnant strippers??
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
