Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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