I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
