In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
