yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
