are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
