I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
