so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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